Mummies
A barely watchable film that should have stayed buried.
Mummies posits a world where mummies exist, and live in a kingdom under modern day Egypt that they protect vigilantly. There, retired chariot rider Thut (Joe Thomas) is hurled into a romance with the Pharaoh's daughter, Nefer (Eleanor Tomlinson). The romance, however, is immediately thrown into disarray when a mortal treasure hunter from the surface world steals the marriage ring, and Thut and Nefer (along with a young charge of Thut’s) must journey to modern day London to retrieve it.
Mummies is such a strange beast of a film, it is really difficult to contemplate whether or not it is any good. On the one hand, it is relatively inoffensive, but on the other when compared to other kids movies that are out around the same time (Puss in Boots, Lyle Lyle Crocodile), its bafflingly poorly made.
The first issue is with the animation and sound. Visually, it is a complete cluster. The animation looks like it belongs on afternoon kids TV, with new episodes produced daily. The soundscape is so completely absent you feel the missing piece for the duration. And they underscore the most crucial emotional moment of the film with a Nickelback song.
But the more pressing matter is the plot. The story is so crazily off base. The Mummies are pretty much invaded in their paradise kingdom by humanity, but instead of becoming a story about mummies or building on that premise in any way, the film reverts to a story about the princess wanting to become a singer. Their London escapades, instead of being remotely tied to their intriguing characteristics as mummies, revolve nearly entirely around the singing subplot. It is utterly and completely baffling. Why bother exploring the ancient Egyptian theme, if you aren’t even confident enough in it to do away with the generic A Star Is Born garbage?
The eventual ending is as insane as the rest of the piece. After a little tete-a-tete in a museum display that defies all laws of vision and physics, the main trio defeat the villains; but that isn’t the end of it. The villains follow the trio down to the subterranean kingdom of the mummies. Scored with the miraculous inclusion of a Nickelback banger, a completely off kilter fight occurs. Pay-offs don’t eventuate. It leaves you with the oddest feeling in your gut; like you’ve eaten a meal, but can’t taste any of it.
